A Weird Day

It's a weird day.  1 year ago today, I watched my mother take her last breath.  I can't believe it's been a year.  I don't really know what to do about the day - it's not like a birthday that you celebrate, so what do you do to remember the day?  Do I even want to remember the day?  I've been having flash backs to those last days/minutes in the hospital with her over this last week...actually, over the last year.  So, today didn't really feel any different to me.  Just another day that I miss my mom and think about her and everything that's happened over the year.

But, on the other hand, it is a very different day.  It marked the 1 year anniversary of her leaving.  We've been through an entire year without her!  I use to not be able to fathom going an entire day without talking to her - let alone and entire year!  It's been a year of firsts for our family - 1st time celebrating our birthdays without her, 1st Thanksgiving, 1st Christmas, 1st Easter, 1st Mother's Day, 1st BABY (Abby Grace)...the list goes on and on.  Now, we start the 2nd year without her.  I really don't see it being any easier than the 1st to be honest.  Somehow it's supposed to be, right?  

We've almost made it through the day though....

My dad got Lisa and me some Gerber Daisy's and mixed in some pics of mama with us in the flowers.  It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen - such a cute idea.  He said he "just had to do something."  We all went to eat lunch together at Frisco.  Again, not really sure what to do with the day.  Dad is coming over for some Chick-Fil-A tonight.  =)  

Lisa, Dad, and me all visited her on our own today.  It was suggested that maybe we all go together and say a prayer, but while I've done pretty good today, I'm not THAT good.  I knew it would only lead to a massive family breakdown and I just really wanted to avoid that at all costs!  I'm sort of numb I guess and just trying to get through the day.  I think if I started crying, I'd never stop - although, I feel a breakdown on the horizon very soon.  =(  

I went to see her this morning to put out some Gerbers.  When I got there, I noticed a little picture frame with a picture of our family and some scripture.  It was sooo sweet.  I read it and immediately began to tear up b/c the scripture was absolutely perfect.  I thought to myself, it must have taken dad all day to do this!  (he's not the most computer savvy person, but he's learning.  =)   Later in the day, I learned that my dear, sweet friend, Leah and her hubby had put that out there yesterday afternoon.  It just melted my heart.   I have the absolute best friends in the entire world!

The scripture read:

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  - Matthew 5:4

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  - Matthew 11:25-30

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.  For he does now willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.  - Lamentations 3:31-33

Took this pic a year ago of my Harlee remembering her Mimi.  I still ask her every once in a while "Where's Mimi" and "Do you Miss Your Mimi" and her little head just turns from one side to the other  - I really believe she misses her.  Her and Gracie loved her so much!