Bouncy Tester

Abby gave Emily's bouncy a test run tonight....looks like it's a keeper! =)

A Weird Day

It's a weird day.  1 year ago today, I watched my mother take her last breath.  I can't believe it's been a year.  I don't really know what to do about the day - it's not like a birthday that you celebrate, so what do you do to remember the day?  Do I even want to remember the day?  I've been having flash backs to those last days/minutes in the hospital with her over this last week...actually, over the last year.  So, today didn't really feel any different to me.  Just another day that I miss my mom and think about her and everything that's happened over the year.

But, on the other hand, it is a very different day.  It marked the 1 year anniversary of her leaving.  We've been through an entire year without her!  I use to not be able to fathom going an entire day without talking to her - let alone and entire year!  It's been a year of firsts for our family - 1st time celebrating our birthdays without her, 1st Thanksgiving, 1st Christmas, 1st Easter, 1st Mother's Day, 1st BABY (Abby Grace)...the list goes on and on.  Now, we start the 2nd year without her.  I really don't see it being any easier than the 1st to be honest.  Somehow it's supposed to be, right?  

We've almost made it through the day though....

My dad got Lisa and me some Gerber Daisy's and mixed in some pics of mama with us in the flowers.  It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen - such a cute idea.  He said he "just had to do something."  We all went to eat lunch together at Frisco.  Again, not really sure what to do with the day.  Dad is coming over for some Chick-Fil-A tonight.  =)  

Lisa, Dad, and me all visited her on our own today.  It was suggested that maybe we all go together and say a prayer, but while I've done pretty good today, I'm not THAT good.  I knew it would only lead to a massive family breakdown and I just really wanted to avoid that at all costs!  I'm sort of numb I guess and just trying to get through the day.  I think if I started crying, I'd never stop - although, I feel a breakdown on the horizon very soon.  =(  

I went to see her this morning to put out some Gerbers.  When I got there, I noticed a little picture frame with a picture of our family and some scripture.  It was sooo sweet.  I read it and immediately began to tear up b/c the scripture was absolutely perfect.  I thought to myself, it must have taken dad all day to do this!  (he's not the most computer savvy person, but he's learning.  =)   Later in the day, I learned that my dear, sweet friend, Leah and her hubby had put that out there yesterday afternoon.  It just melted my heart.   I have the absolute best friends in the entire world!

The scripture read:

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  - Matthew 5:4

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  - Matthew 11:25-30

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.  For he does now willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.  - Lamentations 3:31-33

Took this pic a year ago of my Harlee remembering her Mimi.  I still ask her every once in a while "Where's Mimi" and "Do you Miss Your Mimi" and her little head just turns from one side to the other  - I really believe she misses her.  Her and Gracie loved her so much!  

Mama's Always Right

Let me first apologize if my thoughts are somewhat scattered. When I start thinking about my mother and the events that have transpired over the last year, my mind jumps from one thing to another…..

Mama worked for the phone company for 43 years (since she was 18 years old!). She could’ve retired a long time ago, but she absolutely loved her job. Most all her friends with the phone company had retired and would constantly ask her…”when are you going to retire?!” She talked of retiring in 2009. I always thought she was probably waiting on me or my sister to get pregnant. I had such awesome dreams for her retirement. What an awesome bond she would be able to build with my babies. She would be SUCH a good Mimi. I also couldn’t wait to see her with them and how they would interact with her. She would be like a 2nd mother to them. She LOVES my dogs just as much as I love them. I couldn’t begin to imagine how she would love her grandbabies. I was even more excited for my babies – how lucky they would be to have her as their Mimi!

Of course, when I would talk about her keeping my babies, her response was always, “I hope I’m able to” Or “If my health is good.” I would get so frustrated at these responses because she was not sick. Why would she say these sorts of things? Then again, she’s always told me that she didn’t feel she would live a very long life. Her father passed away at 67. She felt like her fate would be similar to his. I would simply try to ignore these negative thoughts. But looking back, she had an incredible intuition.

Then again, she had incredible intuition about everyone and everything. My mama was always right about everything! This is a fact that I lived with my entire life. Sometimes it was a nuisance as it meant that I was wrong a lot. =) She seemed to always have a crazy way of knowing how things would turn out or know the best way to handle things. I relied on her opinions so much because of this fact. No matter how big or small a problem, she would always make me feel better about it. Just the simple act of “telling” her my issue would make me feel better. I guess that’s just a mother for you though. My mother’s strange intuitive abilities were confirmed at her visitation when every single one of her former co-workers told me the same thing:

Your mama was always right – we could always call her and she would give us the answer or if she didn’t know the answer, she would find it. She was a very sweet, reliable person.

I believe her last day of work was Monday, June 30th. However, looking back, she had started bringing personal items home from work over the past few months. She had brought EVERY picture frame home. I asked her about it and she just said, I’m so stressed out that I just might walk out and retire on the spot one day! I didn’t question her motives.

Unbeknown to us, she had doctor’s appointments lined up for Tuesday and Wednesday (July 1st and July 2nd). She had a HUGE fear of going to the doctor. I still can’t believe she even went at all. She went to the doctor completely by herself. She knew something just wasn’t right with her, but didn’t want anyone to worry. Actually, I’m convinced she knew something was seriously wrong with her for quite some time and didn’t tell anyone out of fear we would push her to see a doctor. She must have been so scared. Her doctor took one look at her “spot” and told her that it didn’t look good. He even prayed with her. He did a biopsy and told her that he would call to let her know the results. She went home alone to wait…alone.

On Thursday, July 3rd, she received the phone call that would change her life (and ours) forever. The biopsy showed the cancerous cells of malignant melanoma - the most aggressive and deadliest form of skin cancer. Her doctor simply told her to spend as much time with her family as possible. She received this news completely alone. Then, she sat alone all day contemplating how to break the news to my dad, sister, and me. She knew we would be absolutely devastated. After all, mama is the center of our family!

When she broke the news to us, she told us straight out that it was going to move fast and she didn’t have a lot of time. Of course my initial reaction to this typical pessimistic mentality of hers’ was to brush her off and tell her how she can’t predict the future and she must remain positive. However in her eyes, she was just being realistic and trying to prepare us for the inevitable. In the back of my mind, I knew she was always right about everything, so I was absolutely devastated by this news. It’s almost like a part of me died that day.

As always, in the end, she was 100% on the mark with her intuition.

Two months and 10 days later, she was gone.

Baby Shower

I had the best baby shower this past weekend thanks to Ms. Brenda and Brandi! I was afraid the weather was going to be bad, but it cleared up and was the perfect afternoon for a shower - especially one at the Biards' gorgeous house! It's weird b/c they JUST hosted Lisa's baby shower 4 months ago and now it was my turn! I still can't get over us having these babies so close together.

Of course, as always, the day was a little shadowed by my mom not being there. During these sort of events, my mom's absence is so amplified to me. We made sure she was a part of it though - we had her Gerber Daisy's out and Lisa bought me the cutest frame with a picture of me and mama when I was born. It was my fav gift. Also, Lisa made sure my Emmie had plenty of gifts from her "Mimi." =)

Anyways - here are some pics from the day...

Me and Emily's "Granny" (Michael's Mom)

The wonderful hostesses....

Me and Abby Grace - She Just LOVES Her Aunt Jenn! =)

I Got Lots of Stuff!

Gracie and Harlee Are Excited To Be Big Sisters....sort of. =)